Colleen

I can't believe that my summer is almost over. classes start on the 27th. i'll be happy to get the year over with, but it's still really weird to be graduating. it was inevitable, but still. it's not like i'll have to get a real job so my introduction to the "real" world should be pretty slow. good thing.

travis and i took our trip to NYC last weekend. we had a fabulous time. our room was on the 39th floor so we had a really spectacular view. we were lucky enough to be off of broadway, so the room wasn't too bright. but we could see the empire state building from our window. it was nice to drift off to sleep while gazing off into the city. we got there on thursday and had dinner at an italian restaurant in hell's kitchen. then we just walked around to find an open cafe. on friday we started at the guggenheim. it was really crowded because it had been raining all morning. i've never been, so i enjoyed the exhibits. then we went on a mission to find me some wellies so i could get out of my soaking wet tennies. but we only found socks and a pub. after my feet were dry we went to the whitney museum to see the summer of love exhibition. i would suggest that people go visit. i love psychedelia, so it was really awesome. i got sick on friday (bad cold) so we just got some mexican take out and beers and ate it in our swank hotel room. on saturday we went to the met and were supposed to go to moma, but i was so sick and i really needed a nap. so travis took me back to the hotel and i took a nap. then we went down to the village to shop and walk around. we went to the urban on 3rd and broadway. it was like any urban. i was disappointed with urban in general this year. wayyyyyy too 80's for me. we had dinner at five points. that was fabulous. i would definitely go back. on sunday we just grabbed breakfast and headed home. it was nice to not have to drive, but this girl on the train had 4 kids and they wouldn't shut up. 1.5 hours of screeching. yay!

so i've been sick for a few days. it sucks. hopefully i'll get better soon. this weekend we're going to do something for cassie's birthday, and my boss lou is having a party at her swanky place in queen village so we're going to pop by. i want to enjoy my last few days of freedom before school starts up and i have to TA and do stuff for the premed society. oh fun!

yay i'm 21!!! and i don't have to get up for shipment tomorrow morning!!!

i had a really nice birthday weekend. i got to spend time with the fam, eat a lot, and have some wonderful quality time with travis. we saw harry potter on sunday. of course it was awesome!! i never read the books, but i'm addicted to the films. very entertaining.

my parents took us out to dinner on sunday. it was kind of funny- my sister and i were dressed up pretty nice and we had our hair cute and our big sunglasses, and apparently these young girls thought we were famous!!! haha i love it. i wonder who they thought we were...

monday (my actual birthday) was really fun. i met up with netty and we had some snacks and drinks at gigi in old city. her roommate is a waitress there, so she hooked us up with free chips and extra sangria and free shots of SoCo and lime! yay! heather met up with us and had a drink. then we went up to chris' jazz cafe where her ex-boss is the bartender. i had a few more drinks, a cute waiter, and some figs. yums! then laura and eddie came and she bought a round of jager shots. one of my faves! finally i talked travis into coming. he had been hanging out with jimmy because he didn't think he'd get served. plus i don't think he wanted to hang out with girls. but i told him it was a jazz bar and he came over. that was so much fun and i still caught the last train! i'm so proud of myself. i didn't drink too much, i only spent $10 (who doesn't love free drinks and birthday presents?!), and i still went to work the next day!

now we just have to wait for travis's birthday. then everything will be awesome. we're having a little party on saturday night. i don't know who's coming, really. but it doesn't matter. i just want to hang out with my friends. plus a lot of people haven't been to the apartment since i changed things around.

only 2 more weeks until our vacation!! we booked a room at the millennium on broadway. we got such a good deal! we have a superior king room for $199/night when it's usually $350/night. now we just have to plan our itinerary. so far it's: dinner and drinks thursday night, whitney museum and MoMA on friday, the Met and MoNH on saturday, and shopping thrown in the mix. hopefully we'll get to do everything we want! it will just be nice to get away from philly with travis for a few days.

only 14 more days until my birthday!!! i'll finally be 21 and legal. not that i drink a lot anyway, but it will be nice to buy wine with dinner, or get a drink when i go out without worrying if i will get carded. sweet!!! i hope i can think of something fun to do!

i talked to my mom on saturday night. i told her about my possible future plans, and she was really supportive. i was so surprised because i didn't think my mom would see it as an intelligent career move. i'm really happy that my parents and travis are being really supportive of my ideas. they just want me to be happy. i really want to be happy, too. so i am going to send in my applications and see what happens!

i can't believe it's only monday. gwenn won't be at work wednesday-friday so that's sweet. i'll come in on wednesday, but only until i finish the little jobs i have to do. i have to do the 6-11 banana shift again on thursday, and then close on friday. i'm not too happy. BUT we're going down to the shore on friday night.

beth and heather are taking their MCATs on friday, so we're going to stay at my parents' house and go to the beach and drink things and hang out. i think laura is also going to come. i really hope so. i love hanging out with my friends.

i can't believe we start school in less than 2 months. i can't believe it's my senior year. this is total insanity!!!

i am getting kind of tired of working the 6am-11am shift at banana. if that was what i worked every day, i don't think i'd mind because i would always go to bed early. but since i only do it once a week, i can't just fall asleep by 9pm to get enough sleep to be up by 5am. ugh i just want a real job with real money and real hours.

i've been giving a lot of thought to my future. right now, i'm really not sure where i want to go... i'm going to apply to a few D.O. programs, but i really don't expect to get in. which sucks. i'm not even going to waste my time with M.D. plus i don't really want to be in an environment where it's perfectly acceptable for someone to put their students down, make them work 24 hours a day, and where giving up your entire life outside of med school is the norm. i know some may think, "but that's the point. you work your ass off to get to your ultimate goal. once you finish, you're done and you've proven something." but for me, i think my qualms with medical school go deeper than my hatred for condescending tones and no sleep. i've grown up around doctors. and no matter how much money they have, they get bored with the job and are (in some cases) pretty unhappy. i want to be able to enjoy my job and feel like i'm getting some benefit (aside from the obvious monetary reasons) from what i do. so lately, i've been thinking about naturopathic medicine. it really isn't all quackery and granola nonsense. the more i read about it, the more convinced i become that it would be something i could make a career out of.

i just worry that i won't be respected. i would hate to have people think of me as some health nut who paid money to make other people into health nuts. naturopathic medicine intrigues me because the docs take the same classes as other med students, but they also incorporate nutrition, exercise, meditation, and natural remedies into their healing. i could see myself opening a wellness center with other like-minded people. a place that incorporates a doctor's visit with yoga, nutrition and cooking classes, and counseling. i would love to help people lead healthier lives; not just physically but mentally and spiritually. but i don't know if there is a market out there... would i have to move to like a granola epicenter?

i just worry about investing time and money into something that won't give me the result i want. and then there's always grad school... which is a viable option and not bad, but who knows if that is what i want to do. i have learned to love the lab. that's where i spend a good chunk of my time. but could i make a career out of it? i am not sure. i need some guidance here! haha oh wouldn't it be so nice if someone could just take you by the hand and lead you down the path you're meant to take?

well, aside from life decisions... fourth of july was slightly disappointing. travis and i went into the city to meet up with friends, but no one really knew what to do. we wandered from one end to the other. rittenhouse to broad and walnut to chinatown for bubble tea to society hill for drinks to south street back up to suburban. heather invited us to her apartment in university city, but jimmy and christine didn't want to take a cab (why? i don't know. $3 was too expensive??). and as soon as it started to drizzle everyone took off. travis and i eventually wandered to jimmy's new place. i was ready to pack it in and catch the train, but heather tempted me with SoCo and i agreed to walk up to the art museum for fireworks. but after walking 10 or so blocks in soaking wet leather loafers, i gave up. plus i wasn't really sure if the fireworks were going to be enjoyable in the rain. so we just came home and finished out the night on the couch.

i don't want to work 2 jobs tomorrow. i just want to hang out with travis and do something not stressful and fun! it looks like it's about time for me to take a nap...

well, in regards to my last (deleted) post...

i never met anything mean by it. no one really ever reads this journal. it's for purely personal uses. i understand that the internet is a public forum, but really.  i have one real-life friend who might read my entries. other than that, i believe i'm the only person giving any thought to what i've written for the past year. although branden committed a criminal act, i do not regard him as any type of "criminal." before this weekend, no one had really shed any light on the situation. any information was relayed to me through travis, which he got through another family member. through this whole situation we have both been very concerned for branden's well-being. if anything i said seemed cold or inconsiderate, i apologize to the offended parties. yes, this is my boyfriend's brother. and my opinion of branden has not been altered. but at the same time, he made a mistake that has effected the whole family. i never expected anyone to read the entry. it was for my own venting, and so that i would not have to bring any negativity when i visited. i feel that my entry has been misinterpreted. again, apologies all around. i didn't mean to offend. and as i had written, i did not even say anything to travis because he would probably get upset. even travis doesn't read this journal. he is of free will and knows that i don't care one way or the other if he reads my entries. not much is kept secret in our relationship, so when i am mad at him, he knows it. but i do know that he very rarely reads my journal, so saying something that i didn't want to mention to him is alright. and if he did see it, so be it. i do not care.

honestly, i'm disappointed that anyone who knows me, or at least has an idea of who i am through my journal, would believe that i felt branden was really a criminal. i have never said anything negative about travis's family. i consider them to be my own family. i love everyone. every family has their problems. if you'd like i could give an entire family history of the stupid things my parents, aunts, and uncles have done. i could even tell you every stupid thing that i've ever done. ok so, this may all be besides the point.

travis knows what i wrote. i apologized. i feel like i have been misunderstood. i love every one of travis's family members. i didn't say anything in my entry that i wouldn't say about my own family. i am sincerely sorry if any of my remarks were off color.

seeing branden this weekend was nice. and i really hope that he has the opportunity to change his life for the better.

on a more positive note...

it was nice to see the family. it's hard to get down there often, but we always have a nice time. megan's new baby was so cute!!! he slept for 99.8% of the time, but i did get to hold him and he woke up for that! i've never seen so many cute babies in one family. it makes me wonder if i'll have a cute baby one day. but only if i learn how to tune out crying and a million questions. i say give it some years and my motherly instincts will kick in. not that i'm rushing it at all.

this will be another boring week for me. i'm still doing experiments for dr. dowden. i wish i could work more hours at school, but my guilt about leaving the banana people in a bind keeps me from leaving. i just really hate working those 6am-11am shifts. it's nice to get the work day over with so early, but i'm always wiped out for a few days. plus i hate playing musical cars trying to make sure i'm not blocked in at 5:30am and having to wake anyone up. only a few more weeks i guess.

we just got home from some crappy I-76 traffic. 3 accidents within 2 miles... and travis decided that the two cats need to learn how to get along. so there are two frustrated and growling kitties by my side. ugh this will be a fun night. someone pour me a drink? thanks.

my life is chaotic. my house is chaotic. who knows where anything or anyone will go.

we adopted a  new kitty. we named her nori. it's cute, and it fits in with miso. they aren't friends yet, but i'm sure they'll come to an understanding sooner or later.

i am in the midst of organizing our hall closets. we have way too much stuff. i had a huge storage tub filled with scrap fabrics. i got rid of them because who knows when i will start sewing again. i consolidated books and things. i'm trying to get travis to get rid of some of his "inspiration." he has a habit of just picking up things that he likes; books, posters, electronic equipment, magazines, photographs, etc. so i want him to find a new home for such things. because they're really really cluttering up my life. right now he's being a good boy and organizing things in the basement. having a small apartment sucks. we don't even have a closet in our bedroom. and we didn't notice that when we were looking at the apartment... make a note: next apartment must have dishwasher, closets, and a parking space.

ugh i guess it's back to cleaning. happy father's day!

i'm tired.

i got my wisdom teeth pulled on friday. i still feel pretty shitty. i wasn't in pain on friday, and there was minimal pain on saturday. sunday was kind of bad. yesterday was pretty bad. today was awful. i almost went back to the oral surgeon, but then i had an anxiety attack about driving and talked to my mom instead. hopefully i'll feel better tomorrow. i left work early today because i felt really spazzy. i mean, my face hurt, but really i just felt like i was going to freak out or something. maybe it's the pain killers...

i've been working at school cleaning labs and everything. that has been sweet. i'm working with beth, chad, john, and two other kids. basically we do some work, bullshit for 30 minutes, work a little more, just hang out. our supervisor is gone a lot for seminars and such, so on those days we just watch dvds and do a little bit of work.

yesterday my key broke off in my lock. and my cell phone was in my apartment... that was a fun time. 2 hours of finding a cell phone, calling my landlord, and getting it fixed. all while my face was looking like a ripe tomato sans the red coloring. good times.

so i'm thinking about grad school. i'm still applying to medical school, but i'm thinking that grad school might be a better option. it would be easier to be with travis, and i would have a better chance of getting into med school after i got my masters. so i've been researching and it's like i'm pretty much guaranteed to get into a microbiology program. my mom wants me to be an epidemiologist, but i'm really not into statistics...  can someone tell me what to do with my life?

my ordeal is over!!!

so i took my MCAT on wednesday. my dad drove me through all the smoke and fires. haha well, more like smoldering underbrush. we got to the testing center and i really felt like turning around. it was really nerve wracking. there were 5 other kids in the waiting room and everyone was looking pretty nervous. my mom was so cute and made me some killer trail mix! after having my fingerprint scanned i went in and took it! i finished in about 4 hours. wasn't too bad! i hope i did as well as i think. i'm still kind of scared. but it's out of my hands now. i prepared as much as i could.

ok so i am going to give an update on the crazy fire. i'm sure everyone knows it's over now. on wednesday when i was coming home from the test, we had to take the parkway, and once you got to waretown, which is like 10 miles up the parkway from my house, the smoke was so thick. it really looked bad. it wasn't bad at our house, but you could see the tower of smoke from the backyard. it seriously looked like someone set off a bomb. it was huge. that was around 1pm. by 3, the smoke started to look really white and we thought it was going down. but around 4, my sister sarah came home and told us that her boyfriend's house was going to be evacuated, and that we were next. so we started to pack up the essentials and my dad came home from work. my mom was on the parkway and they shut it down so she got off at another exit, but it took her 2 hours to drive what would normally take 20 mins. the traffic was bumper to bumper. by the time she got home, they got the fire under control near our house, and we weren't going to be evacuated. so we went out to dinner. i was exhausted so when we got home i just laid on the couch and fell asleep.

i really didn't get to celebrate my taking the test. beth and heather didn't come because it was raining really hard by the time i was done dinner. and then i just decided to go back to philly on thursday morning. beth went back to maryland and heather stayed in jersey. laura did come over and we had dinner and watched the season finale of grey's.

we went to wilmington on friday. that was fun. lots of babies. i got a new stereo for my car. my "niece" avery was really cute. she wouldn't leave me alone, though! but last night was fun. she was sitting in my lap and we were playing pretend things. and then she told me, "girls win and boys lose. girls get all the money. girls get allllll the candy. sometimes they even get all the jewelry." and that just cracked me up! she's so funny. she's the only little girl in the family out of 7 kids. travis's sister is going to have her new baby soon. i can't wait to see him!!

i start cleaning the labs tomorrow. fun fun fun!

in 9 hours i will be sitting down in front of a computer screen preparing to take a test that can mold the rest of my life. yeah, that's not too much of a big deal.

i've been in new jersey for the past 4 days. i thought i'd study better here, but not exactly. i was just as distracted/just as not interested in studying. i kind of feel like i'm over this whole working my ass off thing. if i'm not a doctor the world will not end. my life will not come crashing down. i will probably feel like shit as i see some of my friends go off to med school, but i will get over it.

i've said this all before. am i convinced yet?

i decided that if i don't make i maybe i'll become a yoga instructor. i feel like shit all of the time because i never have time to exercise. maybe i could have a career where i am physically and spiritually fit. i like the sound of that. i could also always apply to a grad program in nutrition or something. ugh i guess i have a lot of options. but i just worked so hard.

ok no more negativity. i will take the MCAT. i will conquer it. i will get drunk off my ass tomorrow night.

oh yeah my town is on fire. basically. 12,000 acres have been destroyed. we think that it's from the bombing range. my sister's boyfriend is training to be a fire fighter, so he's been running around like crazy. and there were 2 separate structure fires and who knows what happened with that because every department in ocean county is on the scene of the wild fire. but his aunt had to be evacuated from her house. we thought her kitty was going to be killed because they told her that she'd loose her house, but they were lucky enough to contain the fire right behind her house. one development already burnt down. my aunt and uncle also had to be evacuated, but they're hoping their house will be ok. if the wind was blowing in another direction, my parent's house would probably be burnt down. that's a scary thought. the parkway and 2 main roads are shut down. hopefully this mess will be contained by tomorrow. i remember when i was little there was a fire in the pine barrens that burned for 3 days. i guess every place has its natural disasters.

well, i should get my shit together and get to sleep. ugh i just want tomorrow to be over!!!

haha i love it

i feel like my brain is mushy. i want to swim in a pool.